By Matt Bieler
The NFL regular season currently runs 16 games and 17 total weeks in length. That’s 1/10 of the regular season games the MLB plays, and 1/5 of the total NBA games. Contrary to popular belief the NFL regular season is not nearly as pressure packed as College Football. It is a marathon, not a sprint. And making a super bowl run is determined on when a team ‘peaks,’ not its regular season record or player statistics, history proves this, Steelers, Baltimore and the Pats 1st Super Bowl run to name a few. All these teams had one thing in common, they dropped it into 6th gear when it mattered most.
With that said….
Let’s take a look at where we stand right now in the powerhouse that is the NFL. With 2 weeks remaining in the NFL season one can make two observations. I should first note that these observations can be looked over by the average fan - but if you really utilize your league ‘sources’ and ‘contacts,’ and possess the business card that reads ‘NFL EXPERT’ on it – then you may be able to see what this writer took 15 weeks of crunching numbers and talking to John Clayton to figure out. My ‘expert’ NFL observations are….
1. The AFC is good.
2. The NFC is not that good.
I’m not sure if these two observations will get me my own talk show on ESPN anytime soon. But I am sure there is much to be said about the contrast in personalities of the NFL’s two competing conferences as we transition to the post season. Of course, breaking down the two major conferences is not nearly as interesting as analyzing Eli Manning’s body language after games, or Tony Romo’s sex life, but I’ll leave that analysis to the paid ‘experts’ in the media. So…here we go, in the race for the Lombardi Trophy I introduce to you the Tortoise (NFC) and the Hare (AFC). Let the games begin.
When the race began back in September one thing was for certain – the Carolina Panthers were going to be the tortoise that represents the NFC in the big game. Every single media outlet on the planet had already crowned them NFC champions – that is, until they met the Falcons in week one. After what felt like eight thousand rushing yards and 12 John Abraham sacks – Carolina came out the gates slumping in prime tortoise fashion, being completely dominated at home by the dirty birds of the south. Followed by an overtime loss at Minnesota and you have the media pre-season darlings of the NFC rounding the first turn with a pulled hamstring and cracked knee caps – or a better term to go along with the focus of this piece – Carolina was moving at a turtles pace.
As Carolina began to fold into a napkin of mediocrity, our beloved media jumped wagons onto the next anointed super bowl representatives…hello Chicago Bears and hello MVP candidate Rex Grossman. Fast forward to a quarterback rating just a tad higher than a Ted Kennedy sobriety test (1.3), and more bad decisions than David Caruso’s film career and you have Rex Grossman, now almost as unpopular in the windy city as Steve Bartman. Even though they stand 12-2 rounding the final turn -we all agree with a quarterback this erratic Chicago can’t represent for the turtles in the big game right…I’m glad we all agree. So, whom shall we anoint? Well, after their destruction of the Atlanta Falcons offensive line in week 6 the media was already scripting a Manning/Manning Super Bowl. Then the Giants went MTV Real World on themselves, turning Tom Coughlin into a real life version of Kurtz in Apocalypse Now, and what is left in the wake is an underachieving team of pro-bowlers one snap away from a total implosion. This brings up a thought. Does anyone think Eli Manning should change his last name to get out of the shadow of his father and brother. It worked for Emilio Estevez, not only did he star in Men at Work, he also directed a film this year (Bobby), that could possible be nominated for an Oscar (It has the Oscar buzz…or so I’ve been told). Charlie and Martin Sheen never pulled that off. I like Eli Estevez instead of Eli Manning…just a thought.
After the Giants continued to fizzle, the NFL welcomed this year’s Kurt Warner story with open arms, hello Tony Romo and hello Dallas going to the super bowl. I almost bought this sell until T.O. decided to go T.O. on the team and open his mouth on ESPN about why he was dropping passes (because the team has a ‘rat’), followed by his big Bday party week (which none of the Cowboys attended. Big Surprise), all capped off by Drew Brees going videogame on the Cowboys with 5 TD’s and New Orleans exposing Dallas on national television for the world to see…. How bout dem Cowboys? So where does this leave us? The NFC tortoise cannot seem to get out of its own way, we’ve had multiple picks to cross the finish line throughout the season (Carolina, NY, Chicago, Atlanta, New Orleans, Dallas) all have obvious weaknesses, all are limping like a Steve DeBerg scramble, and all are watching the hare of the AFC fly by them at an alarming speed. And with that said….
Lets take a look at what the hare is up to.
The pre - season favorites come out the gates as they are supposed to, Indy being Indy and the Pats being…well…the Pats. Lets face it – after Fifteen weeks of the NFL season – aren’t the AFC teams exactly where they are supposed to be? The well-coached teams with explosive talent and huge stars are on the top of their divisions (Pats, Indy, San Diego, and Baltimore). And the race for the wild card is comprised of overachievers (Jets), underachievers (Broncos) and three teams that are more unpredictable than a night out with Paris Hilton (Bengals, Chiefs, Jags). Even with the chaos that has surrounded the Bengals off the field “activities” (seriously though, shouldn’t Marvin Louis spend an extra 60K to hire a full time designated driver for these clowns, just a thought), and the black cloud Steelers (Martin Short in Pure Luck had a better year than Big Ben has had) – the AFC is strong and…at this point…. not surprising. Even when the AFC has been inconsistent it is still…well…. consistent. Was anyone really that surprised when the Jaguars ran the colts off the field in a week 14? No, it was the AFC’s worst rushing defensive against one of the AFC’s top rushing offenses. The Jaguars stuck to the script and walked away victorious. And we will not be surprised when Marty Shotenheimer over thinks another playoff gameplan causing the Charger fans to wonder “How?” And we will also not be surprised when Peyton Marino finds himself auditioning for more American Express commercials in January while looking back at another disappointing post season exit wondering “How?”
The AFC have rounded every corner faster than the NFC, they are talented, well coached and rarely surprising. This is exactly why the AFC should be worried rounding the final turn in the playoffs.
The NFC is so inconsistent that no one really knows what will come from the teams week to week. In turn, the NFC has the symptom signs of going Cole Trickle on the AFC - with one last memorable move on the final turn to shock everyone and walk off Super Bowl champs at the end of January. It may sound crazy now, but in a NFL year cloaked in parody, and nothing making sense from week one to now…isn’t making a stupid prediction the smartest prediction to make at this time? With that said, my ridiculously brilliant prediction is this - the Tortoise will walk off the field hoisting the Lombardi trophy, leaving the countries football fans saying the same word we say at the end of every Sunday night when we check the scores of the day….. “WHAT!???”
Oh yea…. I should probably pick some teams to play in the big game. Hmmmm….so many decisions. Well, in a year of parody, inconsistency and consistent inconsistency. There are two obvious picks for the Super Bowl this year. They are: The Arizona Cardinals and the Tennessee Titans, with Matt Leinart getting the better of Vince Young this time around.
